Sad News :[

So...it's been awhile.  There's a reason.  Derek's worked late a lot this week and I've been too exhausted to stay up after the children go to bed.

This exhaustion was puzzling to me.  Where did it come from?  It came on very suddenly.  It was difficult to get through the day without taking a nap.  And I hate taking naps.. I only take naps when I'm... oh.  And, by the way, why is my tummy still so round?  Shouldn't it be getting smaller by now?!  Especially since I've been exercising and eating less?  ...Or at least, trying to eat less, but I'm so hungry all the time...

These questions kept nagging at me so finally, last Sunday night, I had Derek buy a pregnancy test.  I was too tired to go get one.  I just wanted to know for sure..  I took the test and thought I'd lay it down to do its thing and go take a shower.  No.  Before I even set the thing down a big fat + appeared.  Whaaaaat!!  We both just kept looking at eachother going, "uuuuum..." with big, disbelieving smirks on our faces.  We couldn't help but laugh.  We just had a baby 5 months ago!! Ey Ey EY!!!!  Derek immediately goes into man-mode and starts talking about all the work we need to do to get the house ready for another baby and how the car will be paid off this summer and thankfully we've got room for one more.  I was just in utter shock.

That was Sunday.  Tuesday came with some suspicious happenings.  I've had a miscarriage before, so I kind of knew what to look for.   What I was experiencing was excessive and beyond the norm.  (I'm trying to choose my words carefully here, people!)

Wednesday saw the symptoms getting worse and worse.  It was our niece, Cammie's, birthday party that night.  At the party I started to get cramps.  I knew this wasn't good.  The whole car ride home was very uncomfortable.  The cramps were getting worse and worse.  I told Derek he'd have to bring the kids in by himself because I had to get in the house.

As soon as I walked in the door, something terrible happened.  I'll spare you the gruesome details.  I had a miscarriage.  A really bad one.  I had to stand in the shower for like an hour.  Derek was running between me, the children, and the Baby Place phone nurse.  I wondered if it would ever stop!  The cramps were awful.  I finally got to take some tylenol and curl up in a ball.  As soon as I was able to fall asleep, the cramping stopped.  The miscarriage was finally over by this morning.  It was very sad.  We even saw the baby.  It was so teeny tiny, but amazing.

Today we were trying to coordinate schedules so I could go to my doctor to get a rhogam shot.  I have an Rh- bloodtype, so I have to get this shot in case my baby's bloodtype is different than my own.  It's especially important that I get it within 72 hours of a miscarriage, or it could affect any future babies.  My body will attack them like they are a foreign body.  My mother found a good friend to fill in at her store so she could come up and watch the children for me (THANK YOU, DEB!!!!)  I'm glad she was able to do that because the appointment ended up taking a looooot longer than I thought it would.  Don't they always?

I had to get my blood drawn first to confirm the pregnancy and check hcg levels.  Then I got my rhogam shot and saw the doctor.  He said the levels were still very high at 5000, so he wanted me to have an ultrasound, just to be sure.  I was thinking, "What if I was carrying multiples and there's still one in there?!? Or two!!?!"  But no.  The ultrasound was sooo uncomfortable.  Then the doctor wanted to do an exam.  Grrrrr!  His conclusion was, "I think we'll have to call this a miscarriage."  I don't quite think they were getting it.  I already knew I miscarried.  They weren't understanding the amount of tissue and etc. that was passed.  There was no way anything was left in there.  I was glad, though, to have had the ultrasound.  Sometimes a piece of tissue can remain and cause infection and all kinds of problems.  Praise God it didn't come to that.

This pregnancy was not planned, but it was not unwanted either.  We're not trying to see how many babies we can pop out.  We're very sad to have lost another baby.  But God is in control and He knows what is best for us.  This obviously was not the right time.  Up and down, Up and down.  That's the way life goes sometimes.  Praise God, He's there for the ups AND the downs.  He is what gives our family strength.  We've been through a lot these past months.  He's been right there with us.  He will never leave us, nor forsake us.